Me: Where are you?
Cheryl: Because I like coffee? Why do you go anywhere you go?
Me: Usually because I’m forced to. Omg, that’s so depressing.
Cheryl: I don’t know why you have a phone. You never use it anyway.
Mike: In true math style, his grading formula is like max[1*final, 0.6*final + 0.4*midterm, 0.6*final + 0.35*midterm + 0.05*homework]. Something like that, in any case he writes it out in set notation.
Me: What a nerd.
Kevin: I just walked past a guy carrying two swords.
Me: Why two? …..Maybe that’s the wrong question.
(Kevin and I discussing LulzSec arrests)
Me: Unfortunately, I don’t think any of them really ARE LulzSec.
Kevin: Not even “T-Flow”?
Me: That just sounds like a rapper that has to pee a lot.
Me: I hate the BBC. It’s like they can’t speak English even though they ARE English.
Mike: I wonder if grapes have feelings.
Me: I wonder if blueberries know they taste like eyeballs.
Kevin: I have no kettle but it feels like such a waste going to buy tea.
Me: Do you have a pot?
Me: Low tech kettle.
Kevin: But it doesn’t PLUG IN.
Me: Do you have a stove?
Kevin: What am I, from Little House on the Prairie?
Me: When go sushi?
Kevin: When know what food.
Me: Thought sushi?
Kevin: Known sushi closed. Unknown sushi scary.
Me: Can I nap yet?
Mike: No, because you’re at work. Although that shouldn’t stop you.
Me: If you start a company and I come work for you, I’m putting “nap time” into my contract.
Mike: LOL OKAY. Agreed.
Me: Did you find the white one? (Branka)
Cheryl: No, she’s MIA.
Me: Omg how useless.
Cheryl: I found her.
Me: Where? On the street? Was she wandering around looking lost?
Me: I thought so.
Fan: Wow. According to my calculations, the sun will last for another 39 seconds. That’s almost as bad as your greater than speed of light.
Me: THREE TIMES the speed of light.
Fan: Holy crappers. Something I just calculated is travelling at 4*10^17 m/s. That’s insane.
Me: You’re turning into me. And I did that in Physics 11. You’re WORSE than me.
Fan: Yeah, it’s pretty bad. I still can’t believe I’m a graduate physics student.
Me: If you’re coming up with values like 39 seconds for the sun to exist, neither can I.
Kenny: I just heard Scott McGregor’s voice. Live.
Me: What does he sound like?
Kenny: Dreamy. I think you’d like his voice.
Me: Oh yeah? Would I be attracted to this voice?
Kenny: No girl can resist.
Me: We all know Scotty’s a player.
Kenny: A player in the semiconductor playing field.
Me: Oh man, that’s hot.
Me: I don’t want anything, I swear! Especially if it’s expensive.
Kevin: It wouldn’t be that expensive if I had more money.
Me: Couldn’t you say that about anything really? A helicopter wouldn’t be expensive if I had more money!
Kevin: Yeah. I was hoping you’d let that slide.
Me: Do I let anything slide?
Me: Dare I ask why you do strip teases for your friends?
Mike: For enticement. I whore myself out.
Kevin: Also we were getting VIP drink treatment so the $60 I lost was actually less than the cost of my free drinks.
Me: Haha, the $60 you lost was probably BECAUSE of your free drinks.
Me: Mike, what’s a point of differentiation about me?
Mike: I don’t know. Are you everywhere continuous?
Me: YOURS would be that you’re beyond lame and make nerdy math jokes. What’s mine?
Me: Oh man, why am I such a procrastinator?
Kevin: I dunno. It’s not a good way to be.
Me: Said the man buying Valentine’s Day candy instead of applying to jobs.
Me: If (name omitted) hadn’t said she was happy being single and you weren’t such a dummy, I’d totally try to get you two together.
Mike: Thanks Cupid.
Me: Okay, don’t mock.
Mike: I TEASE out of love.
Me: No you MOCK out of asshattedness.
Kevin’s reaction to Drive:
Me: Whatcha up to?
Kevin: Watching Drive!
Me: Okay. 🙂
Kevin: He’s a good driver, but does not obey traffic laws.
My reaction to Drive:
Me: Why is there so much blood in this movie? It’s called Drive, not Bleed.
Me: I think I need to come up with a reading plan so I can make some progress here.
Mike: Yeah. Get your shit together. You’re all over the place.
Mike: Man some people did really bad.
Me: That sentence legit made me cringe. Like actually.
Mike: Man, some individuals performed quite poorly in comparison to those who performed well on this examination.
Mike: I wish I had a guitar right now so I could play all the Street Fighter 2 themes.
Me: So I just FB stalked your bro on FB. Er. That was redundant.
Me: I just had to turn down birthday cake. It was really hard. You know what a whore I am for cake.
Mike: I know, total birthday cake slut.
Me: Mike, it’s quite warm in my room. Yet surprisingly, I still sneeze.
Mike: Of course you still sneeze. You sneeze as a matter of principle.
Me: I’m drinking a strawberry banana smoothie.
Me: WHY ARE YOU RHYMING LIKE A SECOND GRADER?