Henderson: I used to go home and bang out a few problems.
Cheryl: Somebody’s got Boner in their mouth!
-You can predict the future!
Cheryl: I know! I’m psycho.
Branka: Why is cold air coming out from the bottom and hot air from the top?
Ana: Circulation, baby.
*stunned silence before everyone starts laughing*
Me: Do you think I’m defensive?
Sis: A little, yeah.
Me: I’m not defensive!…You’re defensive!
Sis: Oh my God. You’re defensive about being defensive.
Me: Oh yeah? Well, you…uh…Shut up!
Me: You are a bad, dirty, naughty, filthy, DIRTY liar!
Cheryl: Why are you saying such things? They’re hurtful…
Me: Yeah, but they’re true.
Cheryl: You’re stupid.
Nireesha: You’re stupid.
Cheryl: No, you’re stupid.
Me: You’re both stupid!
Me: "Remove label before burning candle." By the way, I’m reading this off the label you didn’t remove before you burned the candle.
Dad: Okay, who would turn a candle upside down to read the instructions?
Me: You mean other than me?
(And then my mom started laughing.)
Sis: Stop being condescending.
Me: Whoa, that’s a big word. I’m surprised you could say it!
(Apparently, that was condescending too, so my sister threw a pillow at me, which caused me to fall off the couch.)
Me: Okay…focus. Now form a complete sentence like a big boy!
(Directed at my dad. Totally got yelled at.)
Me: Yeah, I don’t think my parents would love me if they weren’t forced to.
Mom: Don’t jingle your keys.
Me: Oh mom, that’s just a silly superstition.
Sis: What’s that one about food falling out of your mouth?
Mom: I don’t remember exactly. Something like someone’s talking about you at that instant.
Me: No, it means that you’re careless, and you can’t close your mouth and eat properly.
Mom: (laughs) That too.
Cheryl: Hey, help me insert this.
(At which point I started laughing hysterically. So DIRTY!)
Branka: You wanna head?
Cheryl: No, I don’t want any head!
Ewa: How was piano?
Anja: It was okay, I locked myself in the church by accident and ended up marrying Jesus.
Ewa: Hey, Scott looks like Jesus.
Anja: Maybe he is Jesus!
Ewa: You should meet his Dad, it’d be like meeting God.
Anja: Yeah! I should!