Sayings/Quotes That Have Made Me Laugh Over The Years

I found my diary from a few years ago under the bed. And in it, I had written some of these. I added a few more though.

Ioana: "You like to hear him speak British."
Me: "I’m sorry, did you just say ‘speak British’?"
(At which point, I started laughing and continued for about 5 minutes.)

Lynnie: "My bunnies are mating, you wanna go watch?"
(And if that wasn’t bad enough…)
Me: "Um, I think I’ll pass."
Mike: "Sure, let’s go."
Me: "Mike! How would you like it if someone watched you have sex?"
Mike: "Are you offering?"

Lynnie’s little sister, Carly: "You know that the word racecar is a palindrome?"
Me: "Yes."
Carly: "Do you know what a palindrome is?"
Me: "Yes."
Carly: "Do you know that the colour blue and red make purple?"
Me: "Yes."
Carly: "Do you know bread has carbohydrates?"
Me: "Yes."
Carly: "Do you know that calcium makes bones strong?"
Me: "*sigh* Yes."
Carly: "Do you know Lynnie and Mike had sex on the couch you’re sitting on?"
Me: "Ye…wait, what?!!"
Carly: "Hah, just checking to see if you were paying attention."
(Carly was always an evil child…)

Ioana: "It’s always been like that. The "cool" kids sit in the back of the bus, and the losers sit in the front."
Me: "So what are you doing back here?"

Me: "Why do we need to know what the force of gravity is equal to?! WHY?!"

Kenny: "I slept in Physics because I knew I was screwed."

Cheryl: "If he gets within five metres of me, I’m gonna tai kwon do his ass!"

Ioana: "You better recognize!"

Ana: "I don’t share things I lick!"

Ana: "Ioannnaaa, there’s something wrong with your water!"

Branka: "Cheryl! Your friend is touching me!"
(About Justin. He was poking her or something…)

Cheryl: "God fucking hell bitch!"

Cheryl: "BP, now is not the time for your monkey business!"
(Anyone who asks what BP stands for is going to get an ass-kicking!)

Cheryl: "I’m going to slap him, hug him, spit on his shoe, hug him, and walk away without saying a word."
(I don’t want to say who this is about. Ioana, you probably know.)

Me: "If you guys dated for longer, and eventually had sex, Cheryl, he’d crush you."
(About Cheryl’s …….not so thin ex b/f….)

My mom: "It’s snowing in March, what kind of stupid country is this?!"
(Said a few days ago….when it was snowing.)

Me: "I wish they had things that would read books aloud to you."
My sister: "They do. They’re called books on tape!"
(Not one of my bright moments, I assure you.)

Michael Fan: "You make me cry at night."

Cher: "You know that thing where you tickle your knee?"
Me: "Yeah…?"
Cher: "That’s 1/8th of an orgasm…so…do that eight times fast."
(That wasn’t exactly what she said. She told me she’d never use the word "tickle". I dunno, Cheryl’s weird.)

"Je me suis fait." (For you non-French speakers, that means "I did myself". I can’t tell you who said that. Sorry.)
"Je francais tres bien." (I French very well. Said by some random eighth grader.)

Lynnie’s older sister, Megan: "You know, just because you have a ring on your finger doesn’t mean you’re married."
Lynnie: "Okay…are you trying to tell me you want to have an affair?"
Meg: "What?! No! I’m just saying, too many people put rings on each other’s fingers and then hope for the best. They don’t want the marriage, they want to tell people they’re married."
Lynn: "Okay…are you trying to tell me you want to get divorced?"
Meg: "No!!! God, I can’t talk to you Lynnie!"
Lynn: "Okay…are you trying to tell me you think I’m stupid?"

Me: "A guy that good-looking wouldn’t live in my neighbourhood. A guy that good-looking would get raped in my neighbourhood."
(About my jaw-droppingly hot dark-haired, airport bus guy.)

Mike: "You always could kick a guy in the balls, rip his heart out and stomp on it in under five words. It’s quite a talent."
Me: "Fuck off."
Mike: "Ouch, there it is. It’s all in your delivery."


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